How to be the most loved and accepted player on the field!*

Discussion in 'Beginners Forum' started by Savior, Aug 31, 2012.

  1. Savior

    Savior New Member

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    Gotham
    Many new players learn the rules and etiquette of Airsoft only through trial and error, so I have compiled a list of things new players should try out to get a feel for the community in which they play.*



    • Show up to games uninvited, with no guns or equipment. Ask whoever looks the most experienced or well equipped to borrow their VFC's or TM's... They'll love to share their high-end precision machines with a beginner like you!
    • If you ever find yourself in the middle of a discussion about AEG's in a forum or on the field and you don't know what to say, try spreading rumors about a particular brand or retailer! (Ex: "Oh I heard from my friend in X that Y is going out of business!")
    • Trash talk the enemy team. Heck, trash talk your teammates! It will be great motivation for them to get on your level!
    • If the game just started and you got hit, look around. If no one saw you, the hit never happened! Don't say anything; all the pros do it, so should you!
    • Aim for the face! Just like in your favorite video games, headshots are worth more points! BOOM!
    • Remember kids, FPS stands for "FUN PER SHOT"! The higher the FPS your gun has, the more fun you will have!
    • If you are pinned down by a well entrenched enemy, start screaming "YOU WERE HIT! CALL YOUR HITS!". If there is a moderator nearby, call them over and claim that your opponent is cheating. Works every time!
    • Loudly talk about how your "Real Steel" or paintball guns are so much better or "More Realistic" than anyone's Airsoft guns, even if you are underage and have never touched a firearm in your life.
    • If you see an open or unlocked locker, help yourself! The owner wouldn't have left his stuff unsecured if he didn't mean for you to take it, right?
    • Use only Hi-cap magazines or drum mags, with the highest "Rate Of Fun" weapons that you can find. Even better, purchase the Echo1 Minigun and dual wield!
    • Wear only a t-shirt and shorts to all of your games. It gets hot lugging around two miniguns all day, who wants to wear heavy and hot body armor?
    • If you are hit, and everyone knows it, take your time walking back. Make sure you help out your teammates by shouting warnings or advice across the field to them! Teamwork is for suckers but that's just being competitive!
    • If you and a buddy are the last ones left, shoot him when he's not looking! Then you can be like Rambo and "clutch" the game for your team!
    • If you ever feel a tap on your shoulder or hear someone say "bang" behind you, immediately turn around and spray full auto! Make sure you laugh at the idiot who failed to "ninja" you!
    • Be tacticool! Pimp out your guns with as many red dots, lasers, scopes, flashlights, handguards and bipods as possible! Don't forget a bayonet attachment! Make sure you let everyone know how your optics alone cost more than all their guns combined!
    • Don't worry about cleaning up after yourself, it's not like you own the field. Drop your candy wrappers and soda bottles in bushes, that's what they are there for!
    • If you ever encounter someone dressed as a police officer or other official during a game, take potshots at them from behind cover, laughing at their tacky camo.
    • If you have a laser, shine it at your enemies face! If they complain, call them babies and tell them to stop crying. "WAAAAHHHH!"
    • Never bring your own bb's. They sell them in thousand count bags, someone must have a few full magazines you can borrow!
    • Your teammates only exist as distractions. Stand behind them whenever possible, using them as "meatshields".
    • If you get a kill during a game, remember your opponents face; the most fun part of airsoft comes after the game when you can rag on them about how bad they are! It doesn't matter if you lost the game, make sure they know how much better you are. Bonus points for also blaming the loss on your teammates, who were only pulling you down anyway.
    • If you find anything on the ground it's yours. Magazines, wallets, glasses, loose change, whatever. Finders keepers!
    • If someone else has the audacity to have a better gun than yours, go up to it and try it out when they're not paying attention. If they see you, loudly exclaim "My X at home is so much better!" before dropping their weapon.
    • Buy an M4. Do an unboxing review. Upload to youtube.
    • Bathrooms? The world is your bathroom. The trees are your portapotties. Your teammates ghillie suit is your tp.
    • When it's time to resell your gun, remember, it's worth more because YOU used it. Heck, autograph it and bam, it's double the MSRP.
    • If anyone gets angry that you are using a field-illegal "hot" rifle in a non sniper role, just say "U mad bro? U mad u got no-scoped?!?11?". They will be so filled with shame that they got "no scoped" that they will leave the game.
    • Be a renegade. Your enemy is playing airsoft... YOU are playing the world's most important game of hide and go seek. Never give up, never surrender. Even if you hear everyone pile into the car and drive away three hours later, it's a trap. Stay hidden.
    • It takes real skill to take people out with a throwable knife! If you don't have one, anything from your mother's kitchen drawer will do!
    • "CQB" is French for "Hit them with your butt-stock". Remember, your gun is made of light plastic or potmetal, you can't possibly hurt them! Give em' a healthy thwack!
    • Your "K/D ratio" is all that matters in a game. Remember math class: If you can get one "kill" and hide for the rest of the match, your K/D is technically 100%! Camping does pay off!
    • Remember, Metal is always better than Plastic... Especially when you're talking about BB's.
    • If you don't have access to a field or private area, a great place to hold your airsoft battles is in the street! There's plenty of cover behind garbage cans and parked cars and your neighbors will be cheering for you all night long!
    • Everyone loves a practical joker! Knock over portapotties, jam peanut butter into magwells, spray paint peoples gear bright pink...
    • If you can't afford one of those fancy airsoft grenade launchers, fireworks will do in a pinch!
    • Animals on the field are a menace. Put the fear of god in them with all the ammo you have at your disposal!
    • Everybody knows that anything from China must be a POS. If you see players with Chinese guns, make fun of them for being poor or "Un-American"!
    • Survival of the fittest! If a teammate gets hurt, ignore him or put him "out of his misery". Don't let a weakling with a broken ankle slow you down! Onwards to victory!
    • Learn the tactics of guerrilla warfare: Make pit traps and rig multiple claymores all over the field. If any teammates happen to walk into one of these traps, collateral damage happens.
    • Never take prisoners. Airsoft is serious business: a quick blow to the back of the neck will keep your enemy from "respawning" that much longer.
    • Go around talking about how you are "Spetsnaz" or a member of "Seal Team Six". After all, nobody wants to be one of the regular grunt losers in the army or marines, right?
    • Make fun of those losers who role play with old guns like the "Tomson" and the "Mosin Naggot". Everyone knows that modern guns like in "Call of Duty" are the best!
    • If you ever get into a fight with someone on the field, remember their name and where they live. You can always call the cops on them later and tell them the person is planning to go on a shooting spree! Just don't mention that it's with airsoft guns and its technically true...
    • Airsoft guns are expensive, especially if you are using green gas. Substitute that pricey gunk with cheap propane, or even better, gasoline! Heck, forget the airsoft gun, bring in a super soaker filled with lighter fluid and have fun reenacting the battles fought by bunker buster flamethrower units worldwide!
    • You want to make sure you sound like you know what you are doing. During games, keep shouting things like "I'M OSCAR MIKE!" and "FOXTROT TANGO IS ON THE MOOOOOVE", just like the action heroes in movies!
    • Nothing makes you sound tougher than cursing! Sprinkle in a few F-bombs and ethnic slurs after every word to gain the respect of your peers. Bonus points if you can question an enemies sexuality and their mother's social standing in the same breath!
    • Another way to gain the respect is to make sure everyone knows how "pimp" you are. Use callsigns like "Gangsta 420 4 LYFE" or "JOKER666 ho-slappa" to show off.
    • If you see a female player, immediately make fun of her for playing a "man's game", and do everything you can to make her life hell. She'll be sure to thank you for it later!
    • Face protection is for babies who think airsoft actually hurts. Be a real man, the only thing you need on your face is war paint!
    • Taunting your enemy is part of the game. If they are a different ethnicity than you, even better! If anyone calls you out for being racist, tell them that you are only "period role playing WWII", back when everybody was racist! If that doesn't work, call them a "liberal ___ ____". That should shut them up!
    • If anyone ever gets up in your face (Probably jealous about your "1337 5K1LL5"), remember your mantra: "TOUCH ME AND I'LL SUE! TOUCH ME AND I'LL SUE!" Nobody will ever want to smack you in the face after you start shouting that!
    • You are the most important player on the field, the hero of the game, and the main character of the story. Everyone else exists to either lose to you or suck up to you for how good you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even the people who own the field!





    *Disclaimer: Don't do any of this. Please. I am not responsible for any damages that may incur following a swift pistol-whip to the face after attempting any of this idiocy. (Not to mention the possible jail time.) Most of this list comes from personal experience, watching it happen, or hearing about it second hand. None of these stories end well.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2012
  2. Courage

    Courage New Member

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    Lexington
    I am going to reccomend this for a sticky, since is talks alot about good field ettiquete
    :D really funny man, better save it in case the mods dont like it
     

  3. Scarred

    Scarred New Member

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    I think you should change the title of this thread to "How to Suck At Airsoft."
     
  4. Savior

    Savior New Member

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    Gotham
    Haha, thanks man.

    I hope sarcasm is universal enough that the mods understand this isn't a serious guide. It's just for laughs, based on pet peeves we all have and things we've all seen happen at some time or another.
     
  5. BRTSoloWing

    BRTSoloWing Active Member

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    China Grove
    No change it to "the worst ways to become the most loved and accepted player on the field" that would be a better title lol
     
  6. naamtune

    naamtune New Member

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    Redlands
    This was my favorite. I'm putting this in my siggy if you don't mind. :)
     
  7. Phillies2406

    Phillies2406 New Member

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    Change the title of how to get banned from your field.
     
  8. Maxuhmize

    Maxuhmize New Member

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    OKC
    I absolutely love this thread. Hopefully the mods don't delete it.
     
  9. Inceptor57

    Inceptor57 New Member

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    San Ramon
    This is very funny! Quite a creative post =D
     
  10. Courage

    Courage New Member

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    Lexington
    I liked the unlocked lockers, free to take part. "Gear adrift, must be a gift"
     
  11. Phillies2406

    Phillies2406 New Member

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    Please extend this list.
     
  12. Savior

    Savior New Member

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    Gotham
    Any idea how to actually change the title guys? I don't see an edit button anywhere...
     
  13. Savior

    Savior New Member

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    Gotham
    Done. Feel free to add any other suggestions people!
     
  14. Urbanprodigy

    Urbanprodigy New Member

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    *Tell people that your KWA has a rapid fire attachment
     
  15. VTMZ

    VTMZ New Member

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    Paducah
    You can't. Only moderators can.
     
  16. Urbanprodigy

    Urbanprodigy New Member

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    *If you have an AK variant run around yelling that you are a Seal

    *If you have an M4/M16 or anything of sorts tell everybody you are Spetsnaz and conjure up your worst Russian accent and tell people that since your Russian you don't feel pain so you don't need to call hits

    *Every time you say something throw in as many phonetics as possible. Ex. "Tango Alpha Lima Mike there is a guy over there Zulu whiskey Charlie"
     
  17. lazergrenade

    lazergrenade New Member

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    * the best techniques you could ever learn are from COD so study up by playing the game and you will learn the names of all the guns and be the best player possible! (if you put this in feel free to edit as much as you want to make it sound better)
     
  18. Urbanprodigy

    Urbanprodigy New Member

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    *make sure everybody knows that you k/d in COD is AMAZING!!! Then after you think they know you k/d pretty well ask them what theirs is, but don't let them answer just yell, "I'll bet it's awful and your even worse at airsoft!!!!"
     
  19. Masonicrat

    Masonicrat Member

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    New London
    * m4 + box mag = custom support machine gun and bragging rights for the biggest and badist gun.