"The point is you're on your own now, and I don't have enough time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers: Invest in real estate. There's no such thing as a permanent record. Always eat breakfast. All the girls on the internet are actually dudes. And you should never, ever, buy the extended warranty on anything. EVER. Also, chicks like it when you tell them they're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a **** to them. So mix it up a little."